What made her confuse ?

This is a continuation of my blog , About LOL.

Here how neena falls in love with rocky, neena becomes heartless and tells Viv to leave her , but Rocky avoids neena and makes her understand that she loved viv, then why disturb him. Neena never gets the love she was looking for…….. she was unable to find the eyes that had love for her … she wandered behind the mirage ….

Rocky was angry at neena and requested her not to break the friendship between two great friends, rocky and viv……

It was the month of august ……

” I needed an escape.  I felt as if my mind and my soul were being smothered.  I just wanted to leave and be away. I just booked the ticket to malaysia ,started down the long trip to escapism, not knowing where I would end up, but knowing anywhere would be better than here.”  Neena wrote in her diary.

Rocky had called her in the morning. He was asking her, does viv know about your trip to malaysia.

She said ofcourse he has to know. ” I told him the first , we discussed it long back. I wanna settle there, then call him there”

She was in a hurry to the airport and it was rush hour traffic.

” I will call him from the airport lobby. You take care. Bye ”

He too was in a traffic rush. He had got a job recently.

The previous day she had a talk with viv on the sms sent by rocky. Rocky sent her a message at 4 20 am in the early morning a few days before.

It was a surprise message for neena, she never felt awkward till then. She was taking his friendship as a casual one. But this one message gave her a hint.

“I need your horoscope”, demanded neena. She still remember the days of talks with viv.

She called him last time from her cell to his at 2 2o pm , just after boarding the plane.  Seating herself comfortably, she said good bye to him. “Call you sweet once i reach there”, and the crew announced the cell phones be switched off.

It meant a silence. “I felt as the miles that separated me from home increased, I began to relax.  It seemed as though my journey knew where to take me, because there was a friend with me. I made her friend lately, i thought she was the best friend. I ended up being alone.” she was in india after the breif malaysia visit.

“I am alone in my dreams” .

” I never felt so lonely.”

She went to the nearby park in the evening and was watching the children play cricket. She  sat on a rock next to a tree that was dying. She took a pebble and threw it over the pond surface. The sun was going down in the waters and it was golden.   She closed her eyes, listening to the sound of the birds roosting back. There was a cool breeze.  Their was an empty bench at the east corner of the park made of wooden sleepers. It was hidden by a thick cover of bushes, lovers come there and sit once in a while.  She was oblivious of what happened around untill there was a sound of giggling and laughing that broke the silence. It was a pair kissing each other and hugging tight. She knew it was the french kiss and she had tasted it.  She and viv had it, the day when they were in a park. They shared the most intimate moments together.

The pond where she and her friends would come and bring the day to an end. The pond that was shallow at the center.

She was in a illimitable dream.

” I felt his hand cup my cheek and his lips gently touch mine. He pulled my lips out. I didn’t dare open my eyes .. he pulled my lips out and we kissed each other, i felt his breath and smell. I felt gasping”, it was neena who kissed viv passionately.

During the stay in the city, they used the rickshaws for commuting. It was a kiss in the rick’s back seat. that made it the kissing rick. They were proving it true. Its exciting to watch lovers smooch in the back seat of a rick. They feel afraid in the beginning but it just is fun and exciting for them. The tingly feeling ,as if they were waiting to snatch every moment from dying. They used to talk about it. They described it over the phone, but it is happening in real.

She remembered the visit to the city to meet viv. It was a trip, she remembers it as tripping alone. She still remembers not telling anybody at her home, not even her colleauges. But betty knew that she is going to meet viv.  She was taking a huge step, she took the train to the metro city where viv was going to come.  She was working in an MNC with medical research and getting a research tour was not that difficult. She took a couple of leaves, but taking leaves was a difficult thing for her. She was having a shortage of leaves.  It was a tussle applying for a leave when you are running short of leaves.

But then she was not worried about her leaves as long as she could meet him.

“I never left my home for this long and far , sweet”, she started to narrate her school time trips to local hill stations.

A long story was her life, that was only clear to viv now, no man ever talked to her this way, they talked over the phone for more than 18oo hours in 9 months. She would spend the bill amount simply to hear him. She was opening her heart out. They talked about everything under the sun. They used to talk and talk. Her emotions and needs. Her loves and lovers. Her life was so open. She needed it.

“its not the duration of the relation that makes it stronger, sometimes one look is enough or a call is enough to fall in love,I felt it for rocky, as if he is the man”, she blushed.

But after she meets viv and rocky , she falls in love with rocky. She wanted to avoid viv, so she made him pay the next 3 months bill. She cried to him,”Please sweet this month i wont be able to pay the money, please pay the bill till i get a salary. please sweet … do that for me “… she cried a lot..

But it was a drama to avoid him , she used to call rocky spending a huge bill during that time, even rocky used to call her back.

She was thinking about the visit to meet viv. It was the last day of their visit and rocky had invited them to their accomodation.

Viv and neena were two souls, who needed each other. Rocky knew it. He went out leaving them at his room,he knew they might yearn for the solitude. He was so true. As he left they kissed and felt each other, they were together for a brief period of time. She was so feminine at that time, time just smelt seducing, her smell still lingers on.

Rocky made all arrangements for their visit and their meeting.

There was no internet connection at her home for the last six months. So she had to depend on the cafe, she fondedly called it the nostalgic cafe. Getting to internet wasnt her best idea of communication . untill one day when she felt that there should be a connection made.
“Hellooo … I am back! Chocolates are ready.When are we meeting” , an sms flared from her mobile to rocky’s mobile.
“Today i catch you online. Be there”, her messages started pouring in.
Rocky wondered , how can she connect from her home. Viv had told me that she had no net for last three four months.
“May be she was cheating my friend, poor guy”, rocky passed on the message to viv at the end of the day.
“Hmm i told him that two months back, that …….. ”

“why did dhe call it online man, but when you kissed her and she kissed you back? Was that not happening ?”

“Did you and she never talk about love making?” , asked rocky.

” What was she doing whenever she wanted to see you online using a webcam, stupid …..”, he was asking viv.

“You know what happened on the 13th july, both she and betty were watching you on cam, betty was there with her, ………. ”

“I asked her if betty there ,she said no” , replied viv.

“She is lying, betty was there,” rocky was so sure.

“That night you two broke off, i knew it was all her, Why the heck did you use the webcam”, angry rocky spit bad words at viv.

Even their friend , bob shouted angrily at viv for webcaming. “What crap, you did what she said, did you ask her show herself on the webcam?”

“I bet she would not turn up”.

” I wanna see you sweet completely, i wanna see you sweet” , were her words as viv recalled. It was a sunday afternoon. He was alone in the room.

“I know you never would have, what if she recorded it.”, bob was expecting no answers from viv.

Bob and rocky worked in the same town.

“How can one trust her?”, asked rocky.
Viv was speechless, “What do you mean buddy?”
“Come on man, you spied upon me. Right ! and she agreed, what the heck! whats the trust that she didnt cheat you…
How can i blindly believe what she says?”

“even i would have done the same thing, if you are in love , we all do the same.”, rocky said he too would have asked to spy. It was her fault to have obeyed.

“”But what if she recorded you on her webcam?” , rocky was all pestered and bothered about Viv.
There  was no answer.

“Buddy, you loved her, so you can blindly trust her.”
“What did she do?”

“She took you off like the used cotton and threw into the dust bin, you were used up, man” , rocky again laughed.
“At the end of it, you are still the same blind old man!”
Rocky grinned a devilish laugh.
“Stupid, If i were to call him for a party, he never would have even agreed.”
“I told him not to come, If you are not well, running temperature of 101, then we will make it up some other day.” , crap he never listened to me.
Rocky was all getting angry at viv.
“But he never listened to me,….”
“Crazy, loving her like hell … ” , rocky was lying on the bed and was watching the photographs that they had taken during her visit to silicon valley. One with the doggy, both viv and neena standing together.

Thats where rocky worked. A home away from home for him.

There was no internet connection at her home for the last six months. So she had to depend on the cafe, she fondedly called it the nostalgic cafe. Getting to internet wasnt her best idea of communication . untill one day when she felt that there should be a connection made.
“Hellooo … I am back! Chocolates are ready.When are we meeting” , an sms flared from her mobile to rocky’s mobile.
“Today i catch you online. Be there”, her messages started pouring in.
Rocky wondered , how can she connect from her home. Viv had told me that she had no net for last three four months.
“May be she was cheating my friend, poor guy”, rocky passed on the message to viv at the end of the day.
“Hmm i told him that two months back, that …….. ”

“How can one trust her?”, asked rocky.
Viv was speechless, “What do you mean buddy?”
“Come on man, you spied upon me. Right ! and she agreed, what the heck! whats the trust that she didnt cheat you…
How can i blindly believe what she says?”
There  was no answer.

“Buddy, you loved her, so you can blindly trust her.”
“What did she do?”
“At the end of it, you are still the same blind old man!”
Rocky grinned a devilish laugh.
“Stupid, If i were to call him for a party, he never would have even agreed.”
“I told him not to come, If you are not well, running temperature of 101, then we will make it up some other day.” , crap he never listened to me.
Rocky was all getting angry at viv.
“But he never listened to me,….”
“Crazy, loving her like hell … ” , rocky was lying on the bed and was watching the photographs that they had taken during her visit to silicon valley. One with the doggy, both viv and neena standing together.

For the past 4 months , she has been doing the escape. Her exams were at stake first, she lost the exams. Unable to concentrate on her job, she resigned it.  She was doing something that heart never wanted.

Rocky was in the thoughts for months now, but her senses were not ready to leave viv fully. Neena’s confusion grew as she started to understand the meaning of true love.

Rocky was in a dilemma, he was right. He would call up viv whenever her passion for him increases.  A point where the mind was out of control, she would call up rocky for hundreds of times. But he(rock) never answered any calls. He had a reason to do so.

“hey buddy, she is becoming restless.” ,said rocky.

“if your calls never go answered! you feel nervous, if you want a call back, i know it”, replied viv.

“To contact me , she uses you, you are the only man who can share information between me and her.’

“she cannot live without  me” , continued rocky.

“But she said the same for me too” , peaked in viv.

“Dont you understand buddy, that was once when  she didnt meet me. If it hadnt then it would have been still the same. ”

“you know , one thing for sure, she misses me.”

“How do you know that?”

“At the end of the chat on the 20th july, after a long session, she was speechless, when i said this is not possible. “”

“I miss you, were her last words that day. Buddy one thing is clear, she is totally over me. She ran away from you to malaysia. She was afraid. There was no alternative for her. Her best method of avoiding you. Going to another country and doing what?”

“Do you understand the point” , asked rocky.

“I knew that she was escaping. How many calls did you get today?”

” From the morning , ecxept for a silence for 30 minutes, 37 on friday”

There was a huge silence that existed between calls. No one answered her calls. A list of missed calls increased in rocky’s mobile call list. She would make efforts to call rocky every now and then.  Her calls to viv were never unanswered. It was a longer talk that resulted then.

“Didnt she have the brains to call him from a new number, she knows that he is not going to pick up…”, asked andy.

“Might be she can hear his voice atleast.”

” She should have asked me to leave, if she had not liked me, we could have become adjusted in a couple of months , but she never been open.”

“yeah buddy thats what perplexed me, and she didnt do that ! why was she not clear ? Instead she involved me into it.” rocky said.

The month of march saw a great change in her life, she was dreaming in the heights of march.  The sun then meant a relief from the winter cold.  At the end of the month , she was reading the bible. She was discovering a new conflict in her mind, a conflict between two extremes in love.

” I feel as if i am divided into two parts, a spiritual which loves u and a flesh which loves him”,  she was holding the bible and was reading the ‘Song Of Love’. Her day will be occupied with reading. Reading the psalms of solomon. She never read them ever in her life so much before. Viv had known much about himself through neena.

In between she makes friends with betty, that was a few months back. But viv knew that betty was not the best friend she can have. Such friends work like parasites. But the host organism never understands that.

A page after another brought her in a sattirical state. Every page in the bible brought her close to reality, but the realisation only lasted for a buffer of time.  As we know that we must allow our knowledge to mature and let ourselves settle , unless that happened our knowledge was always a mirage.

She felt guilty in one of those days. But then ……

During a walk to the marine drive, viv was accompanied by his friends andy and sec.  Watching chics who seated themselves over the pavement of the park was another pass time for them. It was saturday again, and the weekends meant gathering of picnic makers, who were in a holiday mood.

Sec , who was watching a pair make love in the park’s corner bench, tried to break his attention and said, ” You guys know this thing. I got a message now.

He showed his mobile phone display to the other, it said,”world’s most beautiful sentence, ..But …  i love you … !
world’s most painful sentence, …. I love you …..But ”

He started talking about his love and affair with a girl, that lasted for more than 3 years. Now they decided to break off and be good friends.

Viv asked him, ” You still carry something of her in your heart”
Sec was feeling heavy,”That s why my heart is heavy and filled up with her feelings”

“Is nt it true love for you !what did she say at the end of it?”, asked andy who finished watching the chics.
“what do you mean by love?”, sec questioned.

“Didya ever love a gal, viv” , sec asked.

“tell me whether her response is yes or no, but you  had love”
Andy was trying to make his points clear,”I want to love, but i want to love for  ever, thats why i am waiting , may be

God is still deciding for my best love… hhahahahaha…….”

Suddenly viv gets a call. It was neena,  saturdays meant holiday for her. She loved spending her weekends at home. Once in a blue moon, she strayed out in to the nearby internet browsing center, especially on Saturday evenings. It meant a 20 minute walk for her.

And their conversation meant another world, where end of the call was decided by the telephone company which restricted each of their calls to a sharp duration of one hour.

Chapter One

The beginning

She called it by a name one day. After a period of long togetherness, the relation got a name one day. Neena finally found something to pacify herselves. She wanted to call it by a name before ending it, or end it calling a name.

“Sweet we were in to a relation(online),” , after almost two years a relation is defined.

Viv was just another object at the dusk horizon, inanimate like the dark dead bark of the burnt tree.  After death the dead bark decays.

He was once lively, full of vibes, full of expectations.  That was  a january a couple of years back , that their relation began. A call from her home phone, in the mid of a sunday, made the beginning.  He was cutting vegetables for his lunch meal. The call lasted for 13 minutes.

“Man, how did it all started?” , jim asked him.

” I still remember you chatting with her thruoghout the night, man you used to forget food and sleep”

“You were used to weekly visit to the granny’s home on saturdays, but after she came in you never even went once in 3 months.”

“She needed me and i needed her , man. She was alone in the crowd”, viv remembered how she will ask him about the return timings from his home. She was always waiting for his call.

That was a feeling that she lived for. Once she wrote about her mental feelings that she was stronger now than ever.  They cried for hours together. they laughed for days ………..

To continue …….
Chapter Two

“Hi viv, this is aby!”

“Why did not you pick up the phone, you making it so late”

“I don’t pick up unknown numbers, and it was showing the std code, I thought it might be our M D”, replied back viv.

“Oh! Got it” ,aby supported and started laughing.

“ We work like prostitutes, everybody in the management exploits”, aby was getting out of the office at 7 00 pm after a long time. For the past one month he got out at around 11 00 pm.

Chapter Three

How they get closer to share their world

It took five months for neena and viv to feel comfortable to  talk to each other about personal things and share moments of intimacy.  It was an evening in june, just before the rains that she had a talk with sec, a close friend of viv.

she still  remembers the funny incident. Sec ran away after neena wanted to talk to him. He  was a japanese working in india. He ran into the kitchen. He asked her, “who are you ? Are you viv’s friend?”

“You  ask him. dont ask me”, replied neena in a serious tone.

Sec was afraid and ran away handing the phone to viv.

It was an email from viv that was going to bring her a feeling of happiness and sustained cosiness. A mail that was full of wall papers about love and feelings. Because she remembers the email of flowers and lovely wall papers that viv forwarded her. A typical day, a lovely March 24 th. She was falling in love. She was finding a hope for life.

We shall in this life find true love, and we feel that fulfillment when we gather it in our hearts. As rocky said to viv,”See buddy , love happens only once in life, its upto you two to decide. On the one hand you love her , and on the other she loves you. But i duno why and whats the reason that she is not accepting it and you keep on blaming her”

“I mean i can understand her behaviour, accepted she is childish, may be acting stupid. But i never expected you to behave this way, the way she behaves. ”

“You can change yourselves for her. Think about what she wants. Try to understand her. Instead you too are putting petrol into the fire.”

“You know what, you tried a lot” , rocky was telling it very seriously.

He was calling viv, it was early in the morning 03 00 am. “Did you ask perk? We all support your love!”

Perk was also annoyed with what happened in the last 3 months. He worked in tokyo. He was a friend of viv.

How true he was. Love is a blind feeling. You never experiment with it, you never manipulate it.

“I hate all that happened. I never expected all this.”, said perk  in a message.

Meanwhile Jim got an offer in mumbai, he had been jobless for over an year. He was also upset.

Their talks were getting intimate day by day. She would be dreaming about him coming to touch her and feel her.

To continue……………..

Chapter Four

Rocky and viv, strong friendship and neena’s love

Indeed rocky was a true friend of viv.

Chapter Seven

This part of the story is called nostalgia. Its true that we are humans. We love and get loved. Our past is stocked. Its buried, and we call it dead. Because they say ,”MOVE ON”.  Life is future.

Thats a lie who says you have not ever glimpsed back. Have you ever opened the cage doors of memory. Once in a while we do. Can you feel the dust of the earth that buried your past. The same life moves on.

How can one say that you were a part of my love whereas i was just was an onlooker? How can one judge the other because the other was in love?

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5 thoughts on “What made her confuse ?”

  1. The lady said’ My body, mind and soul, spirit & flesh…can only be with the person that i truly love, in whom i can find love’

  2. I want to give a very very simple and cool advice to everybody….

    True love is the one which comes to us… not the one which we want in our lives….

  3. I think the way Viv loves Neena even after all that has happened, thats called true love. I agree that Neena felt that what she is feeling for Rocky is True love, but i dont agree…because if it was true love, atlease once the same feeling should have come to Rocky….
    The way Rocky supports Neena and Viv’s love clearly shows that Rocky considers Neena as nothing more than his Bhabhi….

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