A struggle for life

I cannot prevent sadness from absorbing me, every now and then i surround myself with sadness. The only way is to trace out some happiness and making it big. Show it through a magnifying view.

“Your grandmother is admitted in the shankers.”  I get a call from one of my relatives. “Hey thankam, if possible come down and see her. Ayyappan is on the way. ” He said to me. It was 5 00 pm, i am at the office.  17th of august 2010.  He was sounding ironical. I wondered whether he was happy.

“You make arrangements for funeral, she wont survive for long. I already called your uncle who is in states (USA).”
There was a family at the hospital. The ladies were crying because their father died in an accident. But the driver was happy because he could make a few bucks that day. He had to take the dying old man from home to a couple of hospitals,  before admitting him at the final resting place.

I am at the Stroke center, Shankar’s Hospital, Quilon.   My mother spent her 33rd day at the hospital yesterday there waiting outside the ICU.  She was running low BP.  My mom cannot imagine a life without her mother around, as in the long struggle of life both helped each other very much.  The grandmother was a symbol of strength for the family.  All her kids would talk to her for solutions and advices.

A million words she spoke till a few moments ago.  Millions of silent moments were waiting for her.   She was lying silent on the water-bed silently and  motionless.  Her son was holding her in his arms.  They had a telephonic talk  nearly for an hour on the previous night of  attack.

Brain attacks normally occur during sleep.  Probably during early hours when the patient is sound asleep.  Once the attack occurs, blood clot develops in the brain. The patient has to be taken to the hospital within the ‘window period’ otherwise survival chances become dim.

When blood does not flow smoothly through a vessel, it can begin to coagulate, turning from a free-flowing liquid to a semi-solid gel, or blood clots.  A blood clot, or thrombus, that forms within a blood vessel may continue to grow, blocking off the blood supply to certain parts of the body and causing damage to tissues and organs.  In some patients, blood clots come from one site, dislodge, travel downstream, and lodge in relatively small vessels causing a blockage, called thrombosis.

It is a life threatening situation. Immediate thrombolysis is what doctors suggest.  As time passes by brain cells die.

As my uncle tried to show his hard outer behaviour he was crying from within  to see his mother in this state.  He came to see her as soon as we told him about the grandmother’s Brain attack.

Actually the story is a realistic melancholy.  People who come and meet my granny never miss to make comments.
“I wish she dies off quickly,  this is what is called  a punishment from GOD, my mother used to tell me about it when we were young.”
“dont feel bad”, she told my mother.

“Either she gets well soon or dies sooner” , said another visitor.

One of the visitor made another remark, “This should happen to you guys,  you never took care of her when she was doing good.”

The first day when we met the doctor we had hopes in our heart. But as the days passed, our hopes and her survival chances reduced.  The nurses and the staff were roughened by their profession.  For them every other patient is  a specimen.  A mesh of vessels and flesh.  Even when somebody is on death bed, more often there are people(humans) who wanna make the better out of the situation. If not better then atleast a crook of the situation.

“There is no point in hating such humans, we got to live amongst them. There are good people and there are more bad people.” , grandmother used to teach me.  I had enough to  learn from her  patience.

On the 17th sept 2010, we go to Guruvayoor.  It was on our search for a home nurse.  The entire state of kerala doesnt have a home nurse.

Dr Bhaji was a senior doctor at the Zamorin’s Health Resort,  where he supervised the ayurvedic treatment of patients for various illnesses. “Our body is a fighter, It never leaves hope. It fights till the last moment, death comes as the end of struggle, a troubled mind and body would love a peaceful death, but struggle at the same time is the symbol of love for life, death or life either is the result of a struggle….”, the doctor said.

My brother also was there, he completed his medical education a few months ago.

We went in search of medicines and treatments to different places.  In a few days we were finding out our helplessness.