Thank you Dew, Saju, Adhu and the dear readers for reading the passage, and then either putting the valuable comments or telling me directly. As you said it, this passage brings forth the confused mind and the confusions in the situations leading to a confused mind. I will try to re arrange it and put it again. Meanwhile i must tell you that this passage was just a glimpse of what may have happened in my(my friend’s) life in the month of May. It might happen in anybody’s life too.
still editing *
This life is full of positivity and goodness. It s so much good that we are only given a short and brisk life whose beauty lies in the brevity. At the end of this life there is a vast companion called death. Its vast in time. Few years like 50 -60 years of life and then millions of years of death. Generally we dont know much about death. Since i ran out of time to find some goodness in me and my life, i always looked out side of me to get the glimpse of goodness. But it was difficult to find it in others when i was unable to find it in myself.
And we must try to know about the hidden good in our lives. As time is running out, we are constantly left with lesser hours of our beautiful life. The author writes about Death in Sleep, sleep is a temporary relief to the soul.
The two friends described here are very close to each other(They were college mates), its also important to note that they have been eagerly waiting for each other. And one of them comes to bangalore (COINCIDENTAL NAMING). When they meet in bangalore, they have a lot of things to talk. So everyday they decide to meet after the office hours.
They walk so much that at around 09 00 pm when they are about to part, both are heavily tired and desperately look forward to a sound sleep. They met for 7 days continuously despite the summer rains.
Here the two friends talk to each other on their evening walks, the situation is in bangalore (lets assume). I wanted to choose a peaceful locality and Koramangala in bangalore was apt, i thought.
“you know when we become alone, we get a lot of free time to think.”
“we start to think for ourselves, may be in a thousand thoughts, one might take our heart and we may get carried back to memories. memories are precious….. as you are”
“thats so important to realise, that we are important, more than others, can you find me a person who loves you with a true heart…”
“i must say, if there is one, atleast one then consider that you are lucky….”
But love and trust are two feelings that develop in our heart following the experiences in our life. Experiences in life are important but our life is too short for counting good and bad. There is hardly some time left even to discover the good then how can we spend time thinking on sorrows and shortcomings of others.
We quickly start to love a person when we meet them, but sometimes its hard for us to trust them. Sometimes we start to trust easily but may not love the person.
They were walking towards the park. Summer has been hot this year like last years, it’s the month of may in 2010. Evenings meant the coolest time when one is feeling fresh enough to make a move into the out. During the day, most people prefer to be inside and prevent the sun.
“you are meeting me unexpectedly on the road. That day is ma birthday. lets say 9th april…. and hmm …But you have no money… but you wanna gimme a gift also….what you give..? hmmm.”
“tell me … tell me na ”
“i give what you want…..”
As if he had everything at his disposal to give her whatever she needed ……..
and they continued walking. The main road was bearing more than heavy traffic. After 8 00 o clock they were supposed to go to a friend’s home for a dinner.
” Hey did you take the camera today ?”
He did not answer. “I knew you will not take it… we are going to your friend’s home. You should have taken it.”
“Life is a great travel trip…Isnt it ?”
“But there is a problem ..”
“Yep. Is there ”
“The problem is that it doesnt come with a map.”
“We have to search for our own ways to reach the destinations..”
“destinations… now whats that”, there was a black cow passing by. Both of them ran apart to save themselves from being hit by the sharp horns of the young and pregnant cow.
“wow just escaped! ” she started laughing loud.
One of the car drivers, clad in executive was honking continuously behind the static cow and shouting abuses at her for having stepped into the road. It seems that he was trying to impress a white man sitting in his rear seat. “These animals … cows especially come and stand in front .. not move … .cows are nonsense… authority not doing good.. hmmm”.
Cows are allowed in the indian culture to roam freely anywhere in the country, even in midst of heavy traffic too. They are revered animals.
There was a warm lingering smell of fresh cow dung which the cow has left on the pavement,just before a crowded shopping mall. It was the popular chinese shop, where household products were sold cheaper. They were passing a chinese shopping festival market, and the hanging boards declared ‘ANY ITEM Rs 33/- ONLY’ …
“Sometimes the road travelled is more beautiful than the destination reached… “,
“I enjoy my life no matter what because i am glad that i met him.”, she said nodding her head.
“Why do you keep expecting from Life so much”
“Why not ”
“Dont expect anything from life. expectations result in hurting. When you expect, you expect a lot”
“hmm …. and if you dont expect then”
“When you dont expect then every moment is a surprise and every surprise brings happiness”
“Is it? Are you so sure”
He was waiting for Rems to finish her office hours. Rems will be out by 5 30 p m. But sometimes shes late too. And Semia was a close friend of her. Semia and he, stood in the vicinity of a Orange juice maker’s mobile shop. The summer sun has gone down just into the west. Thirst and tiredness is what he (sun) has gifted before sparing the inhabitants for the day. Even it showed on her face daily, when they used to meet.
Soon they will all come out. And the streets will be filled with all sorts of people. There was the evening crowd getting together for a park visit and evening brisk walk. But you only wait for the one whom you eagerly look for. Rest all are crowd, who have nothing to do with you. As if they never existed or their presence was of ‘None of our business’ to us….
But then there was some sadness…
“”Stay close to your lovely person till your presence doesnot hurt them, ah !”
“… .. stay back silently away from them once you feel your presence irritates them…”
“But if they said they cant live without you, does that mean they love us and really mean it…. “
“what if it was mere words to console .. yaar … woh bhi to ho sakta hena”
……there was a temple near by and the bells rang to silence the crowd …. the birds fluttered to roost..
“whom you love the most may never understand your feelings. Leave it to God and pray for their happiness. The day when they feel alone they will surely feel it. I know its the truth….” she said.
“Then they may always want your attention every time with them, but never leave them.”
“she might have argued with you, said no to you, sad right.”
‘Its not that she started hating you, its that she just started thinking about her love….”
Its said that people who like you most always like arguing with you……
but when you stop talking to them they are the most hurt…..
Its like this … whats friendship or love , a mere word, right.. one cannot define
Until someone comes into our life and walks along,….they give them meaning …. you alone can never give any meaning to any words…
But what if she didnt understand me at all ….
So sad that …. if it happens.
There was a trolley stall selling hot baked maze by the garden entry, it was opposite a company of pharma products. The steamy hot maize was garnished with masala, sometimes its a tingly aromatic spicy mix. She liked it very much. Something like the ‘Aloo sikandary’ served at the “Mast Kalandar”.
The TPCRA company was very famous in pharma.
But you know what I think you can take it this way. The day you accept the fact that you are not at all important for the person who is the most important for you. Its the day when you start pretending that you are happy…
People say that we dont understand the value of closed ones until we lose them, do u think so ……
i dont think so.. its wrong, We know their value but we never think that we will ever lose them….
the greatest gift you can give to some one is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving them a portion of your life which you can never get back, never…
“That which you cannot get back is dead, you cam only imagine that it was there, but dead things linger on in your mind, sometimes they make you weaker………..”
“You know we will be separated one day by death, then how will you survive”
“You remember one thing, she will say one day”,
“That she hates you the most, for all the love you had given her…”
“How will you react to her?”
“Do you know why we need love?”
why does it come to us…… why do we feel so ……..
I remember a story once told by saju. Saju is rem’s good friend. It was a story of a traveler and a dog. The story goes this way.
A traveler will pass through the village every year. During that time of the year, a writer always used to watch him. For the first few years he was all alone. But one year, an old dog started accompanying the traveler. And then the two will be together at the village. There was an old fig tree under which they shelter for few days before they disappear.
Over the years this continued, but one year the writer noticed something different. He came to the village after a gap of some years.
He could only see the dog this time, but it was still making the rounds of the tree. Curious enough the writer actually went near the tree. To his surprise, he found some pieces of bones. They were the remains of the traveler and the dog still continued to be with it. He was moved to see the love of the creature. He let tears to wet his eyes. The dog was unaware and still continued to go around.
…………… Love ……..
Everyday in your sleep, nature provides you a tiny glimpse of death. Death is akin to sleep. Sleep provides you deep rest. Sleep heals you, comforts you, and makes you fresh for the next day. Similarly, death provides rest to your soul. What is death? It means dropping the past.
Death creates a void. When someone dies a vacuum is created suddenly, and being totally with that vacuum you know that you also are that vacuum. What are you? What is your life? It’s a total void. Not only is death a void, but life too is a void. This realisation is Nirvana. Buddha said that life is a void and void is truth and that forms are illusive and they have no existence. The formless is the only existence and it governs the form. The mind is formless, and is it not the mind that is ruling your body? For example, is the body or the mind moving a car? It is the mind. If the mind is not in the body, the body alone cannot do anything… There is a greater formlessness overseeing entire Creation. You are the centre of that greater formlessness; whatever you call it.
In meditation you realise that you are not just the body, but you are more than the body. This realisation annihilates the fear of death. Some are afraid to go to bed. They fear they may not wake up. Knowledge of death will improve the quality of your life. It makes you stable and strong and roots out fear.
The Self is beyond death; the knowledge makes you immortal – rather, you become aware that you are immortal and that there is something in you which never dies. The first law of thermodynamics says that ‘energy can neither be created nor destroyed’. Our mind is energy and thus it cannot be destroyed…
Why are some people born in violent environments and others in comfortable environments? These come from previous impressions. It doesn’t matter how your life has been, but the last thought is very important. You might have noticed the last thought in your mind before falling asleep will be the first thought when you wake up. Similarly, your last impression will be the first impression in your next life.
At the last moment, all we did in life will come to us in a flash. If you always do things that are life-supporting, the same impressions will carry on. That is why all human values, like friendliness and compassion are given great importance; they are investments for the future. The human body is precious because in this body you can carry as well as erase all negative impressions.
No one knows when their last moment is. When it comes, you cannot have a new impression; the last or strongest impression is what will pop up.
In the Gita, Krishna says: “Look Arjuna, you don’t know, you never know when the last moment comes, so don’t wait for the last moment. All the time, keep me in your mind, and meditate to make that as the strongest impression.” So don’t wait for the last moment to have a good impression.