Be there

It’s only when you grow up, and step back from him, or leave him for your own career and your own home – it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. Pride reinforces love.– Margaret Truman


“Look at the stars, and they will show you one great shining star, shining very brightly in the middle…. ” said my grandmother , she pointed her long sharp fingers to the dark  silver dotted sky.  There was a huge star whitish and shining very brightly in the dark sky. And i looked at him, wondering and believing what she said was right.

when i was very young i used to sleep in her lap. she will stretch her legs and keep them crossed and i will die to sleep in her lap to get her loving touch on my forehead.  One day will not pass without her touch then.

“he is our ancestor who comes every night to watch us happy”
“what does he do then?”
“he can see all his grandchildren, and feel happy”
“Does he come everyday granny”, and i will ask her gently. I used to wonder what if he wanted to see me on a day time.

Years later, i ask myself,”Has he come today”

They say something on thoughts, and it goes this way…
There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one.” —

— Ralph Marston
when i was reading a book, i felt that as if it reflects my life somewhere, i started feeling the coincidences and was soaked in self talk. i wanted to be aloud,, but my roomy was sleeping deep,as it was early morning on a monday. I looked at him and said,”Guru , yaar this is our story” . “No , not possible! This is not our, but this could be your story” , he seems to have told me.

“Yeah guru, there is nothing like our story! This is my story”


Death in sleep

Thank you Dew, Saju, Adhu and the dear readers  for reading the passage, and then either putting the valuable comments or telling me directly. As you said it, this passage brings forth the confused mind and the confusions in the situations leading to a confused mind.  I will try to re arrange it and put it again. Meanwhile i must tell you that this passage was just a glimpse of what may have happened in my(my friend’s)  life in the month of May. It might happen in anybody’s life too.


still editing *

This  life is full of positivity and goodness.  It s so much good that we are only given a short and brisk life whose beauty lies in the brevity.   At the end of this life there is a vast companion called death. Its vast in time.  Few years like 50 -60 years of life and then millions of years of death. Generally we dont know much about death.   Since i ran out of time to find some goodness in me and my life, i always looked out side of  me to get the glimpse of goodness.  But it was difficult to find it in others when i was unable to find it in myself.

And we must try to know about the hidden good in our lives. As time is running out, we are constantly left with lesser hours of our beautiful life.  The author writes about Death in Sleep, sleep is a temporary relief to the soul.

The  two friends  described here are very close to each other(They were college mates), its also important to note that they have been eagerly waiting for each other.  And one of them comes to bangalore (COINCIDENTAL NAMING).  When they meet in bangalore, they have a lot of things to talk.  So everyday they decide to meet after the office hours.

They walk so much that at around 09 00 pm when they are about to part, both are heavily tired and desperately look forward to a sound sleep. They met for 7 days continuously despite the summer rains.

Here the  two friends talk to each other on their evening walks,  the situation is in bangalore (lets assume). I wanted to choose a peaceful locality and Koramangala in bangalore was apt, i thought.

“you know when we become alone, we get a lot of free time to think.”

“we start to think for ourselves, may be in a thousand thoughts, one might take our heart and we may get carried back to memories. memories are precious….. as you are”
“thats so important to realise, that we are important, more than others, can you find me a person who loves you with a true heart…”

“i must say, if there is one, atleast one then consider that  you are lucky….”
But love and trust are two feelings that develop in our heart following the experiences in our life.  Experiences in life are important but our life is too short for counting good and bad.   There is hardly some time left even to discover the good then how can we spend time thinking on sorrows and shortcomings of others.
We quickly start to love a person when we meet them, but sometimes its hard for us to trust them. Sometimes we start to trust easily but may not love the person.

They were walking towards the park.  Summer has been hot this year like last years, it’s the month of may in 2010. Evenings meant the coolest time when one is feeling fresh enough to make a move into the out. During the day, most people prefer to be inside and prevent the sun.

“you are meeting me unexpectedly on the road. That day is ma birthday.  lets say 9th april….  and hmm …But you have no money… but you wanna gimme a gift also….what you give..? hmmm.”

“tell me … tell me na ”

“i give what you want…..”

As if he had everything at his disposal to give her whatever she needed ……..

and they continued walking. The main road was bearing more than heavy traffic. After 8 00 o clock they were supposed to go to a friend’s home for a dinner.

” Hey did you take the camera today ?”

He did not answer. “I knew you will not take it… we are going to your friend’s home. You should have taken it.”

“Life is a great travel  trip…Isnt it ?”
“But there is a problem ..”
“Yep. Is there ”
“The problem is that it doesnt come with a map.”
“so what?”
“We have to search for our own ways to reach the destinations..”

“destinations… now whats that”, there was a black cow passing by.  Both of them ran apart to save themselves from being hit by the sharp horns of the young and pregnant cow.

“wow just escaped! ” she started laughing loud.

One of the car drivers, clad in executive was honking continuously behind the static cow and shouting abuses at her for having stepped into the road.  It seems that he was trying to impress a white man sitting in his rear seat.  “These animals … cows especially  come and stand in front .. not move … .cows are nonsense… authority not doing good.. hmmm”.
Cows are allowed in the indian culture to roam freely anywhere in the country, even in midst of heavy traffic too. They are revered animals.

There was a warm lingering smell of fresh cow dung which the cow has left on the pavement,just before a crowded shopping mall. It was the popular chinese shop, where household products were sold cheaper.  They were passing a chinese shopping festival market,  and the hanging boards declared   ‘ANY ITEM Rs 33/- ONLY’ …
“Sometimes the road travelled is more beautiful than  the destination reached… “,

“I enjoy my life no matter what because i am glad that i met him.”, she said nodding her head.
“Why do you keep expecting from Life so much”
“Why not ”
“Dont expect anything from life. expectations result in hurting.  When you expect, you expect a lot”

“hmm …. and if you dont expect then”
“When you dont expect then every moment is a surprise and every surprise brings happiness”
“Is it? Are you so sure”

He was waiting for Rems to finish her office hours. Rems will be out by 5 30 p m. But sometimes shes late too.  And Semia  was a close friend of her.  Semia and he,  stood in the  vicinity of  a Orange juice maker’s mobile shop.   The summer sun has gone down just into the west.  Thirst and tiredness is what he (sun) has gifted before sparing the inhabitants for the day.  Even it showed on her face daily, when they used to meet.

Soon they will all come out.  And the streets will be filled with all sorts of people. There was the evening crowd getting together for a park visit and evening brisk walk. But you only wait for the one whom you eagerly look for.  Rest all are crowd, who have nothing to do with you. As if they never existed or their presence was of ‘None of our business’ to us….

But then there was some sadness…

“”Stay close to your lovely person till your presence doesnot hurt them, ah !”
“… .. stay back silently away from them once you feel your presence irritates them…”

“Why…. “
“But if they said they cant live without you, does that mean they love us and really mean it…. “
“what if it was mere words to console .. yaar … woh bhi to ho sakta hena”
……there was a temple near by and the bells rang to silence the crowd …. the birds fluttered to roost..
“whom you love the most may never understand your feelings. Leave it to God and pray for their happiness. The day when they feel alone they will surely feel it. I know its the truth….” she said.
“Then they may always want your attention every time with them, but never leave them.”
“she might have argued with you, said no to you, sad right.”
‘Its  not that she started hating you, its that she just started thinking about her love….”
Its said that people who like you most always like arguing with you……
but when you stop talking to them they are the most hurt…..
Its like this … whats friendship or love , a mere word, right.. one cannot define
Until someone comes into our life and walks along,….they give them meaning …. you alone can never give any meaning to any words…
But what if she didnt understand me at all ….

mm ..

So sad that …. if it happens.

There was a trolley stall selling hot baked maze by the garden entry, it was opposite a company of pharma products. The steamy hot maize was garnished with masala,  sometimes its a tingly aromatic  spicy mix. She liked it very much. Something like the ‘Aloo sikandary’ served at the “Mast Kalandar”.

The TPCRA company was very famous in pharma.

But you know what I think you can take it this way. The day you accept the fact that you are not at all important for the person  who is the most important for you. Its the day when you start pretending that you are happy…

People say that we dont understand the value of closed ones until we lose them, do u think so ……

i dont think so.. its wrong, We know their value but we never think that we will ever lose them….

But remember

the greatest gift you can give to some one is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving  them a portion of your life which you can never get back, never…

“That which you cannot get back is dead, you cam only imagine that it was there, but dead things linger on in your mind, sometimes they make you weaker………..”
“You know we will be separated one day by death, then how will you survive”
“You remember one thing, she will say one day”,
“That she hates you the most, for all the love you had given her…”
“How will you react to her?”
“Do you know why we need love?”
why does it come to us…… why do we feel so ……..
I remember a story once told by saju. Saju is rem’s good friend. It was a story of a traveler and a dog. The story goes this way.
A traveler will pass through the village every year. During that time of the year, a writer always used to watch him. For the first few years he was all alone. But one year, an old dog started accompanying the traveler. And then the two will be together at the  village. There was an old fig tree under which they shelter for few days before they disappear.
Over the years this continued, but one year the writer noticed something different.  He came to the village after a gap of some years.
He could only see the dog this  time, but it was still making the rounds of the tree.  Curious enough the writer actually went near the tree. To his surprise, he found some pieces of bones.  They were the remains of the traveler and the dog still continued to be with it. He was moved to see the love of the creature. He let tears to wet his eyes.  The dog was unaware and still continued to go around.
…………… Love ……..

Everyday in your sleep, nature provides you a tiny glimpse of death. Death is akin to sleep. Sleep provides you deep rest. Sleep heals you, comforts you, and makes you fresh for the next day. Similarly, death provides rest to your soul. What is death? It means dropping the past.

Death creates a void. When someone dies a vacuum is created suddenly, and being totally with that vacuum you know that you also are that vacuum. What are you? What is your life? It’s a total void. Not only is death a void, but life too is a void. This realisation is Nirvana. Buddha said that life is a void and void is truth and that forms are illusive and they have no existence. The formless is the only existence and it governs the form. The mind is formless, and is it not the mind that is ruling your body? For example, is the body or the mind moving a car? It is the mind. If the mind is not in the body, the body alone cannot do anything… There is a greater formlessness overseeing entire Creation. You are the centre of that greater formlessness; whatever you call it.

In meditation you realise that you are not just the body, but you are more than the body. This realisation annihilates the fear of death. Some are afraid to go to bed. They fear they may not wake up. Knowledge of death will improve the quality of your life. It makes you stable and strong and roots out fear.

The Self is beyond death; the knowledge makes you immortal – rather, you become aware that you are immortal and that there is something in you which never dies. The first law of thermodynamics says that ‘energy can neither be created nor destroyed’. Our mind is energy and thus it cannot be destroyed…

Why are some people born in violent environments and others in comfortable environments? These come from previous impressions. It doesn’t matter how your life has been, but the last thought is very important. You might have noticed the last thought in your mind before falling asleep will be the first thought when you wake up. Similarly, your last impression will be the first impression in your next life.

At the last moment, all we did in life will come to us in a flash. If you always do things that are life-supporting, the same impressions will carry on. That is why all human values, like friendliness and compassion are given great importance; they are investments for the future. The human body is precious because in this body you can carry as well as erase all negative impressions.
No one knows when their last moment is. When it comes, you cannot have a new impression; the last or strongest impression is what will pop up.

In the Gita, Krishna says: “Look Arjuna, you don’t know, you never know when the last moment comes, so don’t wait for the last moment. All the time, keep me in your mind, and meditate to make that as the strongest impression.” So don’t wait for the last moment to have a good impression.

The stories of wisdom

“Suddenly life becomes a beautiful goddess and incarnates herself.  She will come to me and teach me lessons, i need to learn to adopt the signals from nature.  She came to me in my dreams yesterday. Looking so cute and beautiful, i felt like not coming back to life and stay forever in my dreams”, the teacher was narrating a story to his students.
“But master how does one remain in dreams forever, if it were so…”, asked a curious young disciple.
Raising his arms up, another disciple asked,”Master, am i in a dream where someone is dreaming and i am living in his dreams…”
There was curiosity in everybody’s eyes, as if dreams were a special form of life for them. And discussing about them was yet more special.
“I have no control on my dreams, thats why dreams are so special….”, said one of them.
“Master sometimes i fill my eyes with tears, they come and stay there for sometime, are they showing me dreams?”
While the other day i was walking alongside the footpath, i noticed the footprints of dogs on the footpath’s cemented floors. They are marks of dogs that ran over the footpaths before the humans could even start walking and using them. These footprints reminded me of Discovery channel’s animal related programs.
Kanu said, “I wondered that I was walking with my kiddu, whose footprints will be so small like the ones on the footpath, and imagining  clasping his fingers”
“Hahaha …. but these are not your kid’s foot marks, they are made by the ugly stray dogs…. “,  laughing out loud
“Hey manu , how is your Kiddu”…… kiddu is what he called his kid affectionately.
“He is no more, he left us a year back”, but his voice didnt shiver.  He just silently felt the vaccum and bid me good bye.
“Why were a few tear balls rolled in my eyes when he left”
I looked at the marks every time i travel past them. They are no more marks, that were engraved in cement. They were making me think.  I looked at them and wondered,
” This is what my master taught me  this is what he had to say,  Life is a Goddess and she keeps teaching you lessons. One needs to grasp the signs…”
I was looking for a tea shop.   There was no traffic in the city as the city had been resting the whole night after a whole day of heat and dust amongst the pace of work that moved it faster to development.
I was walking down the roads in bangalore. It was 6 00 in the morning, 7th may, walking the main road to Sony world signal.
Sony world signal and the auto rickshaw drivers
We went to the oasis center to purchase a gift for my friend who invited us for a dinner at his home.  It was a nice place to do a lot of window shopping and feel happy seeing a variety of products made across the world.  Time permitted only one hour there as the dinner time neared and we had to walk another 45 minutes to his home. So leaving the mall was the option at the earliest.  Once we are out on the streets, then movement is restricted to only a few means. You have the city bus services, own bikes or cars and the (in)famous ricks.  Most often a rick becomes a necessity especially at nights, and then this necessity becomes the mother of exploitation. Sweet said that she is charged heavily whenever she faces such a situation.
My option number 4 is always a brisk walk. It always is good and saves a lot of resources.
There was a tea shop near the signal.  I was enjoying my cup of tea, when a sudden break sound was heard, put a racing car to skid.  A dog was killed at the spot. Moments before, i saw the same dog tripping the road opposite the Oasis center.  Then the dog looked happy and enjoying the mischief. It was actually following a lady who was fetching water from  a public tap opposite to her house on the main road. I watched her reaction when the dog was hit by a speeding car, and was rolled over.  The cries of a helpless creature sounded sad to the meek morning crowd, some turned their attention back to their routine after a look and a laugh. The lady cried, shouted and stopped for a moment,  standing close to the half way demarcation of the road, with a full pitcher in her hand rested on her hips.  She then walked quickly on to the other side and disappeared with her water.
I wondered whether it was a stray dog or her own pet.  I watched people walk with their hybrid dogs in the evening,  sweeti told me about  a breed called “labrador’, when we went past a huge but cute looking dog the other even ing when i went to see her after the office hours. There was a park near by and pairs of Dog and Human were in plenty in number.
At first i had to fight the flies from falling into my tea cup in the morning, the streets are infested with flies.  Then i started to reason out why there could be so many colonies of dense flies around shops and small hotels.  I remember having to constantly keep moving my palms like a  fan to wave off the flies.
One of the restaurants in Mathikere, Kusum was a good one.  I loved the vegetable thali meals served there.
It is too hot in the day, and travelling in the day to various client sites in bangalore was a tedious job. Dipayan who is my associate in bangalore was taking care of all the marketing activities here. But he recently quit the company and gave a notice period  of 30 days. In lieu of that i had to be here.
Visiting the clients meant visiting the Managing directors of Nursing colleges and Medical Schools.
“He has no idea about what he says, he will change what he says in every 2 days”…….
“last week he told me to recruit 2 new people and expand the HR, I agreed and made arrangements for the consultancy and put the Ad. Now today in the morning, he is like when did i say that. You recruit only one person. Is he nuts”, asked my colleague.
A poster on a school notice board declares:   “What we habitually say in our heads, we usually end up saying with our lips, which ultimately direct our feet.”                 Words are powerful.   From others they often influence or direct our decisions and behaviour, while our own words act to elicit responses from those who receive them.
In the Bible, the Book of Proverbs has much to say about the value of well-chosen words: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” It goes on to prompt us to choose our friends carefully, partly on the basis of the kind of words and speech they habitually use. “Speak that which is kindlier”, the Quran instructs us, “a kind word with forgiveness is better than almsgiving followed by injury…” A commentary on the meaning of these verses says that the tongue affects the ear. The ear affects the soul. The soul affects the entire body. Every word makes an impression on the listener. But the deepest impression made on the listener is either a kind word or a harsh word.
Whichever way we look at it, there is no doubt that what we say or write could have impact and so the prudent would use the power of speech very carefully indeed.
In Buddhism, one aspect of the Eightfold Path, Sama Vaca, is most often translated into English as Right Speech, but a more accurate rendering is Wise Speech or even Skilful Speech. The concept of Intentional Speech is being mindful of one’s purpose in speaking.
An old Buddhist master spoke to his students: “Tonight i would like to speak to you about wise speech. According to the Buddha, wise speech is that which is truthful, gentle, helpful, spoken from a kind heart and is timely.” Then he spoke at great length about the harm that results from rude, mean spirited, harsh or careless words. A young disciple said, “Venerable sir, i do not understand how this can be. A stone can bruise. Theft can deprive. But words are just sounds, having no substance. I must disagree with you when you suggest they are so powerful.”
The master replied, “If you weren’t such an ignorant idiot, you’d understand. So sit down, shut up and stop interrupting.”
The startled young man fell silent, but about 10 minutes later jumped to his feet, face red, eyes bulging, fists clenched, his whole body shaking. The old man turned to him, “You seem perturbed. Your gentle disposition is shattered. What happened to you?”
“You hurtled harsh insults i did not deserve. You cannot possibly be the great teacher you pretend to be. You are a fraud!” The old man responded, “Ah, i see. It was my words that had such a transforming effect upon you. It seems you and i agree that speech can be quite powerful.”
Words, especially from those we consider leaders, can guide us or deceive us, make us knowledgeable or ignorant, violent or peaceful, sad or joyful, wise or foolish. Words give birth to ideas, which in turn create powerful emotions, which rule the hearts of men and women, who then can act constructively or destructively, for justice or injustice.